


save me from myself

by widowswine



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Care, Caring, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Fix-it fic, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, S1, Season 1, Self Care, caring for, emotional angst, h/c, just a feel better fic tbh :), looking out for each other, mental health, self care day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:55:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26560252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/widowswine/pseuds/widowswine
Summary: After giving a young boy a terminal diagnosis, Sarah Reese is a mess. Everyone's favorite psychiatrist, Dr. Charles, helps her out with the anxiety afterwards. Just though it was a cute idea :)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not looking for criticism just a good time! I haven't been on AO3 long enough to know if people typically crit or not, but figured I'd put it in here just incase. Thanks!!

Sarah Reese heaved a shaky sigh. Her hands were gripping the sides of the off-white porcelain sink. She could hear her pulse in her temples as her grip tightened. Her knuckles turned white and the sound of tears hitting the basin of the sink and her shaky breaths were audible in her silence. She finally lifted her head, looking at herself in the mirror. Her unruly curls were slowly falling out of place in her hairband, and the tears had begun to stop. The whites of her eyes were still red from her upset, but her mouth formed a hard line. Divots along her brow formed from eyebrows as she narrowed them. 

She pushed herself away from the sink, using her wrists to wipe excess tears from under her eyes. One more deep breath and she started to regain her composure. It took a few more inhales and exhales from deep in her lungs, to the point that it almost hurt to inhale further, for her to be alright to exit the ladies room. After a few moments of hesitance, she pushed the door open and rushed out into the hallways. 

“Doctor Reese!” a voice came from somewhere behind her. 

Reese, feeling as if she were minutes away from crying again, turned around. She smiled to see Dr. Charles. She gave a curt wave and turned away, holding a hand to her mouth and nose. She couldn’t risk breaking down again, especially not in front of him. She could feel her chin and bottom lip quiver, as if the tears were threatening to pool in her eyes again. “Sorry, I’m running late to meet a patient,” she tried as an excuse. She fought to keep her tone from trembling. 

“Can we talk for just a moment? I want to see how you’re holding up after giving the child and parents the diagnosis of Krabbe disease. You ran away before I could talk to you.” 

Reese slowed her pace before she stopped. Her hand, still over her mouth and nose, fell to her side. She tried to take another deep breath to maintain her cool. She slowly turned to face the older doctor, giving him a half hearted smile and a nod. She could feel a tear forming in her left eye, and promptly blinked it away. “Yes. I’m okay. I’m fine. I promise.” She knew that it was going to be hard to fool a psychiatrist but she hoped that he would let her off the hook. The last thing she needed right now was a person of his knowledge digging into her brain. She knew that he was already expertly cataloging her anxiety, her tics, and the way she was itching to walk away from him. 

“Alright, alright,” he said, raising his hands with his palms toward her. He was gesturing that he would leave well enough alone. Reese was ready to turn back around but Dr. Charles took a step forward. “But how about we step into this room real quick, okay?” he offered in that tone. The same one he used with his patients and during consults. Reese hated it and knew that she was being roped into having a one on one with him. He motioned with his hand to an empty bed near them, the curtain not yet pulled. “Let’s just talk for a minute before a patient occupies the room.” 

He walked there first, knowing that Reese would follow if he took lead. He wasn’t impatient with her, but rather focused on her mental wellbeing. He wanted her to be and feel better after the diagnosis she’d just had to give. Once the woman met him in the room, he saw as she kept looking at the various people passing by and conversations going on outside of the room. He gently pulled the curtain and the other doctor’s attention was back on him. He gave her a nod and a smile, hoping to put her at ease. 

“Much better, don’t you think?” he started, trying to loosen her up. Starting with the information she wanted to avoid would have been bad. She nodded, eyebrows forming an upside down v-shape from her increasing worry. She looked as if she were moments away from dropping her calm facade. 

“Hey,” he said, stepping closer and reaching out to take her hands in his. He gave them a reassuring squeeze. “It’s going to be okay. You did great in there.” He didn’t risk telling her that she had a little bit to work on with her compassion; it was a concern better addressed at another time. “It had to be done. The child isn’t upset, and the parents asked us for our help to break the news to him. If they were upset or cross with you, they would have asked you to leave the room.” 

He noticed that she was looking anywhere but him. Her eyes were directed upwards, and she nodded. He moved his hands to her shoulders in an attempt to calm her down. “It’s alright, Sarah,” he told her, but no sooner than he uttered her name, the woman erupted in tears. Her breathing and words came through broken sobs as she expressed her despair. Dr. Charles quickly pulled her in for a hug, and didn’t loosen up until he felt her arms rest against the back of his shoulders. “That’s it,” he murmured. “It’s alright. Let it out. I’m here for you.” 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After what seemed like many minutes, Sarah Reese began to calm down. She’d confided in the psychiatrist that she felt utterly horrible, but with comforting words from her colleague, she started to feel better. When she finally pulled herself away from their hug, she brought her hands to her face, wiping away tears. They were still coming in rivulets down her cheeks, but her uneven and gasping breaths were slowly returning to a normal rate. 

Dr. Charles wore concern on his features, but he offered a smile. “Feeling a little better?” 

Reese choked out a laugh. It was more a half laugh half cry, but she returned the smile. Her nerves were still worked up, making her seem on edge. “Yeah. I think I just need a few minutes to calm down and get my act together before I go back out.” She gave an affirming nod, almost as if she were trying to convince herself more than him. She then gave another laugh. “I really thought I was going to get past you.” She was in lighter spirits now. Laughing was a good sign that she was on the pathway to a better headspace.

“Good. I’m glad. All you needed was to get it out, and talk your way through it. I’m happy that you’re feeling better.” He was warmed to see her doing better than she had been mere minutes ago. He knew he should have chased her down the moment she excused herself after giving the diagnosis, but at least he caught up with her before the end of the day. She was going through the deep breath exercise that most people do after crying. While she did that, he reached for the pocket inside of his jacket. Reese watched with curious eyes as he produced a business card. She nearly scoffed. 

“I know it’s hardly personal after what we just went through, but I am not very good with phones. My cell number is on here. Call me if you ever feel like this again, seriously.” He offered it towards her. Her fingertips brushed his as she reached for it, holding it delicately in her hands as she read the front and back. She looked back up to him with a look that was akin to disbelief. As if she wasn’t expecting it. Dr. Charles nodded to confirm. “Yes. Never hesitate.” He gave her a smile, reaching out to place his hand over her shoulder for a few moments before he left, leaving the curtain closed in case she wasn’t ready to leave.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Before she was able to go home, Sarah Reese had one more stop. Instead of leaving the building, she went to one of the outside lounges. Instead of stopping somewhere on the way home for a drink, she enjoyed getting one on the building grounds. Especially since it was free when she was in uniform and wearing her badge. However, since it was the end of the day and she didn’t want to be up late, she opted for hot chocolate. She wanted nothing more than to sit in a hot bath until the point of lethargy, and following it up with the warm blankets of her bed. 

After getting her hot chocolate, she swiped a few packets of the same sweetener that she ticked Joey off over. She stuffed them into her pockets, hoping that she would give them to him as a peace offering the next time she saw him. She did a quick look-around of the outdoor lounge, looking for his curly head. Just when she thought he wasn’t there, she spotted him. He was leaning on the balcony, glancing at the bustling city below. 

Reese approached him quietly, and once she was a few feet from him, she called his name with a smile, producing the blue packets from her pocket. “I snagged the last couple of them before anyone else could, just in case they’re out of them the next time you go to get coffee.” She extended her hand to him sweetly. He held out his open palm for her, and after she dropped them, she placed her hand in her pocket and sipped the hot chocolate. It was hot and she nearly winced. 

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” He was pleased with her gift, putting them in his own pockets. “I was also wondering if you’d be free tonight after you get done..?”

Great. Now she would be a dickhead for the second time to him. “Actually, it’s been a horrible day for me. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m going to call it early tonight, but if there’s another night this week that you’d like to go out, we can try for that.” She tried to keep her voice perky to indicate he had a chance at taking her out. She feared that he was going to be upset, but he nodded. “Alright. I’ll see you around.” He waved her goodbye and turned back around, resting his arms on the silver railing once more. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once home, Reese visibly relaxed. The uptightness that the day had caused her was slowly ebbing away. She placed her hot chocolate down on the table near the door, as well as her keys. She shrugged off her lab coat, hanging it nearly on the wall before heading to the bathroom. She started the bath, allowing it to fill. She took her scrub shirt off in the bathroom, leaving her bra on. She let her hair down, putting the hairband on the counter of the sink. She then backtracked to the living room, taking her shoes off. Then padded to the kitchen to make herself a quick snack while the tub filled. 

She closed her eyes while she leaned against the kitchen counter. She ate for a few minutes, and was so content until she forced herself to open her eyes. Today took a toll on her. She needed to sleep. Opening the fridge, Reese put her snack back and entered the bathroom again. She took lavender salt from the cabinet and sprinkled some into the bathwater, hoping it would help her fall asleep faster. 

Once she sunk into the steaming water, it was as if the physical stress of the day drowned. She felt as if she could truly breathe now, and able to simmer down. She wasn’t sure how long she stayed in the bath. Maybe she’d even dozed off. She was in there long enough for the water to have cooled considerably the next time she moved. When her chest was exposed to the air and not the water, she chilled immediately. The cold went through her body, and she knew it was time to get out. She pulled the drain and stood, stretching, before toweling off. She quickly dried her hair and donned her pajamas before heading to bed. 

When she was under the covers, she stared at the ceiling. She desperately didn’t want to go to the hospital the next day. The thought of waking up and the odds of having to give a terminal diagnosis scared her. She vaguely wondered if Dr. Charles was awake. Maybe he’d be able to help her with this feeling. There was a chance he’d be able to help her steel herself and get over her worries. 

She stood up and made her way out of her bedroom. She was in a tank top and basketball shorts, and her hair was still down. She ran her fingers through it as she leafed through her lab coat’s pockets for Dr. Charles’s business card. Reese couldn’t help but smile at how worried he’d seemed earlier at the improperness of giving her his number through that card. She shook her head fondly. 

Taking the card back to her bedroom with her, Reese sat back down under the covers and saved the number to her phone. Her thumb, whose nails were uneven from her anxious habit of biting, hovered over the green call button. She glanced at her alarm clock, seeing the time as past eleven. Did she really want to risk calling him? Would she tarnish her reputation to him, forever remembered as the resident who took advantage of his kindness at near midnight, waking him from sleep? She gave an indecisive sigh, letting her hands fall to her thighs as she leaned back into a supine position. Her head fell heavy on the pillow. 

“I’m so stupid,” she hissed at herself. 

“No, you’re not.” 

Reese’s breathing seemed to stop entirely, and her heart beat magnified tenfold. She sat up straight, and saw with wide eyes that when she threw her hands down, she made contact with the smartphone’s screen. Her finger slipped and dialed Dr. Charles _and he answered._


	2. help me regain control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one takes place after 2x11. Might have been 2x12, don't hold me to it lol. The episode where Sarah has to be the one to pronounce 3 patients dead in one night, where she's eating coffee beans to stay awake to impress that one attending or whoever. And then she goes to Dr. Charles like "hey yeah youre right maybe i do need therapy" like idk about you guys that scene really broke my heart I love her sm (insert pouty puppy dog eyes emoji and a heart emoji)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe this one's for K who commented on the first chapter asking if i was going to do more :)

After spilling her worries and fears to Dr. Charles in the hallway, Dr. Sarah Reese feared that he would no longer want to speak with her. He wasn’t meant to be her therapist, or listen to her problems. He was there to be her mentor, not so much a friend. But she couldn’t help the way her voice broke when she spoke to him. She tried to blink away tears from her sleep deprived, red rimmed eyes. But it was all too much, and she let it out when the other doctor approached her with a hug. She could hear his bag drop when he wrapped both arms around her, consoling her. 

She’d never felt more tired after the ordeal. She exposed her worries and fears of failure to him, and all of her anguish and sadness. He stood by her, without the thought of leaving. It was just what she needed. When Reese’s sobs had quieted down, her bottom lip still quivered and her breath still came in irregular gasping sounds. She was slowly recollecting herself, and wiping away tears from her eyes. She was hit with the sudden realization of how long she’d been awake. That was why she broke down so late and so suddenly- her exhaustion. Understanding this, she raised her gaze to meet Dr. Charles. 

“I am so sorry,” she began. “I don’t-” 

“Don’t do that,” he interrupted, looking pointedly at her. “You’re under a lot of stress. You’ve subjected yourself to being awake for God knows how many hours to impress one of the big wigs. I understand.” He gave her a warm smile. Bag back in his hand, he extended the other to motion towards the end of the hallway, leading to the exit. “Shall we?” 

Reese stared at him, baffled. “I can’t just… leave, can I?” she questioned, seeming very skeptical. She glanced down to her slim wrist, glancing at the minute and hour hands on it’s face. “I’ve still got…” she stopped to do the math. “Eight minutes before the shift ends.” 

“Right, right. But you’re on voluntary overtime. Here at Gaffney, voluntary overtime is less than a regular shift. You’re not obligated to stay the whole time.” He gave her another smile with a hopeful look. He was persuading her, and it worked. 

She laughed. It came out sounding half choked with tears and half obnoxious. A laugh was just what she needed after the night she’d had. She laughed again. If any other staff member or patient in the hospital had walked past her, they would think her insane without a second glance. She ran her hands through her hair before taking the few steps towards Dr. Charles. She stopped for a moment, indecision clear on her face. She looked once to her watch and once more over her shoulder. Her body was leaning slightly towards the chief of psychiatry, and she even placed one foot forwards, but didn’t put the weight down yet.

“It’s okay,” Dr. Charles convinced her. “You’re not the only doctor they have on shift. We will be just fine. All the nurses here know the protocol over the overtime, you’re absolutely fine.” 

With that, Reese placed the foot down, the other following. She nodded in affirmation, following along. She trailed beside and slightly behind the other doctor, listening as he spoke while they made their way to the exit. She was half heartedly paying attention, still coming down from her horrible mental place that the past couple nights had landed her in. She could feel her sense fraying away like stray hairs from the crown of her head. She gave a deep breath to reorient herself, and jerked her head up when Dr. Charles turned his to face her. 

“Are you a little tired?” he asked softly. 

She smiled lightly, her eyes drooping slowly. “Yeah.” 

“Staying up for nights on end will get you,” he mused, and as they neared the doors to the exit of the hospital, he held it for her. “Let’s get you to bed.” 

She followed him, and then reached for her keys in her pocket. She stopped in her tracks when she didn’t feel them. She patted her thighs to feel for them in the pockets, and then placed her hands on her rear, feeling for them there. Nothing. As a last resort, she placed a hand over her left breast for the shirt pocket, and once in her lab coat. Nothing. 

“Forgot your car keys? Here, you can start mine and sit in it, I’ll go in and get yours. Same locker room that Will, Nat, Ethan and April?” 

“Yeah…” She let out a breath, mentally cursing herself. 

But then she visibly perked up. “Actually, wait!” she chimed, walking backwards, nearly hopping, to save Dr. Charles the trip from going inside. “Joey gave me a ride today. So I didn’t _need_ my keys today!” She laughed, very similar to the one she’d uttered previously, in the hallway. Dr. Charles smiled, with a knowing look in his eye. Reese didn’t even notice. 

“Well, isn’t that great!” he replied, trying to match her enthusiasm. But his smile wasn’t as wide as hers. He knew that she was being hyper due to her lack of sleep- she was becoming easily excitable and giddy. He played along, beginning to lead them to his car. “Alright, well why don’t I give you a ride home?” 

Reese, very bubbly and following along, nodded emphatically. “I’d like that.” 

Xxxxxxxxxxx

With the radio in the car playing softly, Reese allowed herself to exhale for longer than she needed. She leaned back in her seat, watching as different colored lights and neon signs buzzed by in the dark. She could feel herself growing more tired by the second. It was then that she nearly startled with a new thought in her head. She reached in her pocket to find the clear back of the special coffee beans. It was time to eat some. However, she gripped the bag in her hand and released, letting go of her uptightness. She knew she wouldn’t have to use them anymore. She could finally sleep. Her fight was over.

“Dr. Reese?” 

“Yeah. I’m coming.” She couldn’t tell which doctor was talking to her. She was needed in the ER. 

“Sarah.” The voice was more urgent now. 

Reese opened her eyes a fraction, before quickly drawing her brows together in confusion. She blinked rapidly to get rid of the sleepiness tied to them. She moved her head around until she remembered that she was getting a ride home. 

“Oh, Dr. Charles.” She sat up straighter, reaching for her hair to redo it. “Sorry about that. Didn’t know I fell asleep.” Her eyes were wide as she tried to stay awake. She noticed the car had stopped moving. She placed her hands on the side of the car door, looking out of the window. “Where are we?” 

“Your street. At least, I think it is. It’s Whisper, isn’t it? Didn’t remember the house number, just the street, so I pulled over at the end of it. I trust you know your way from here.” 

She nodded, hands holding the handle to the door, slowly pulling it. “Yes, that’s right. How’d you know?” 

“I’m required to at least acknowledge the applications of residents. I don’t recall much else about yours other than that you’re a Leo and that your street name sounded pretty. Well, that and a defining birthmark in the event that you’re in an accident without identification. Don’t know why they make you put those on applications anymore.” He chuckled. “Well anyways, I’ll let you go. Please do get some sleep. In fact, sleep in. Don’t come in until you’re well rested. Even then, I can promise that the couch in my office is quite comfortable. Good night, Sarah.” 

Reese beamed, glad that he would go to such lengths to help her. Allowing her to sleep in and then a chance to do it again once she arrived? Heaven. It was almost shocking that he understood the turmoil she was going through, as if she wasn’t expecting anyone to ensure she was okay, or offer a helping hand. “Thank you, Dr. Charles.” She gave a relieved sigh, keeping her eyes on his for a moment longer, before opening her door. She waved goodbye once she was on the sidewalk, and began the walk to her house. Despite the tissue-deep weariness she was experiencing, she had some pep to her brisk pace. She had unexplainable positive feelings as she walked, and once she reached her house, she stopped with one foot on the top step, other at the one beneath it. While she fumbled with the keys, she looked up to see Dr. Charles only now beginning to leave; he was ensuring she got home safely. Reese smiled as she waved once more, turning the locks, and going inside. 

Lights were not turned on as she made her way through the living room to her bedroom. She’d barely taken off her shoes before she quite literally fell to the mattress. Her lab coat creased and folded under her, and the coffee beans voiced their protest in a crunching sound. But she was already asleep, her lithe body sprawled on the bed, petite frame rising up and down rhythmically.


End file.
